David and I have been talking about the nature of love, lately.
I think I've mentioned it, in reference to other conversations. But this, of course, is the WEEKEND OF LOVE, what with Valentine's Day and all. The mentions of it have become truly relentless.
Two of the gals David goes to school with asked him what he's doing for me for Valentine's. Another took him aside to ask what she should get for her guy that he would like. It's funny: at 50, David is everyone's father figure. He gave her good advice though. He suggested some things I'd done for him that he liked and she was pleased.
I told David, though, that I don't really want anything for Valentine's this year. It just seems silly. (Plus, I hadn't been thinking about getting him anything!) David said he'd tried to explain that to the gals who asked, that doing something for each other on a particular day seems kind of false after so many years together. Whereas last week I was feeling sad and friendless (woe is me) and had a little crying jag at bedtime. And he was sweet to me and comforted me. That meant the world. More than flowers and candy on the designated day.
It occurs to me that Valentine's Day meant much more to me when I didn't have a special someone. I recall the agonies in school, wondering if I would get a carnation from someone besides my best friend. I'd watch the cheerleaders walk around with their buckets of tributes and wonder when someone would love me. Later, in college and grad school, when I was more often single than not, I would be fine with what I was doing, until Valentine's Day rolled around to remind me that I was alone.
Otherwise I never felt alone.
Now that I have David, who is so central to my life, I don't find that Valentine's Day validates anything. In some ways, it's just for show. Send me flowers so I can prove to the world that I'm loved.
The funny thing is, when you love and are truly loved in return? You don't have to demonstrate it to anyone.
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First I can't imagine a day when you should feel alone and friendless. You are truly well loved. Makes me think I'm not doing my job very well. Second I couldn't agree more about Valentines Day. It feels forced and commercial. That having been said my hubby gave me the best V Day present. A garden cart for planting my spring garden. Traditional? No. Proves that he knows me so well? Absolutely. That is what V Day should be about.
ReplyDeleteLove you
oh, Karen, I'm capable of all sorts of silly insecurities! (But you *have* been busy lately... ;-) )
ReplyDeleteI love that you got the perfect gift - and yes, showing that he knows where you live speaks of love more loudly than anything else!
Love you, too, sweetie!
Oh, don't be feeling all sad and alone lady. You've got a support group out here in cyberspace (I know) and I am almost certain you have one in person too :-).
ReplyDeleteBut I feel you, sometimes I get down too and feel I am all alone in the world, having my "woe is me" moments.
But as far as your blog, me and my hubby have never been into V-day, or any other commercialized holiday. Sometimes we exchange gifts, sometimes we dont, and because of his work schedule, sometimes we spend time together and sometimes we dont. I really think being married to cop (cops work 365 days a year) really helps you to not get caught up. You should show you love each and every day for those you care about because tomorrow is not promised to any of us.
I think Valentine's Day in the least balanced holiday in terms of pain versus pleasure. Christmas, for example, definitely brings its own share of despair to some people, but to others, at least, it brings great, warm, fuzzy happiness. V-Day is pretty much crushing loneliness or ho-hum status quo. Unless you're dating, I guess, in which case it's a real opportunity.
ReplyDeleteThanks, LT -- I know you all are out there. I think it's some "woe is me" and some living in a new place and not really having in-the-flesh friends besides David.
ReplyDeleteSome of it is that I'm lonely for a book contract! ;-o
And Kev - even for the daters it can be a miss. One friend posted that her deadbeat boyfriend took her to Chick-Fil-A for a V-day dinner and was soon to be an ex-deadbeat boyfriend!