Standing on the Shoulders of the Little People

The lilacs are just now starting to pop. The air is warm and still. Spring at last!

This morning at the gym, the 7am Zumba class was well under way when we left. Lots of people show up for this class - easily thirty every day. Possibly more. We walk past the windows and they're in there, dancing and smiling. It's clearly an exercise people love to do. Always a good thing, I think.

Not everyone does.

I used to teach a Tai Chi class at the Senior Center. People loved that class, too. At least, at first.
They glowed and smiled, learning the movements, practicing the graceful form. Then my teacher, the head of my school, would come visit and tell them Tai Chi wasn't good for older people. That studies have shown that *anything* that gets a person up and moving around improved their health. Tai Chi Ch'uan didn't have anything special, he'd tell them, unless they did it right. According to him, they could never do it "right" because it's a martial form and unless they learned it for combat, it wasn't real.

If you read martial arts magazines (which I don't recommend in the least), you'll see a lot of this kind of attitude.

As you can imagine, many of the seniors would not return after these lectures. My teacher said that was good, weeding out the weak. He took pride in his school, his students and himself by elevating us in comparison to everyone else. Himself most of all.

The last couple of days, people have been abuzz about Jennifer Egan winning the Pulitzer Prize for fiction. Lovely to see a woman writer win such an honor. However, the excitement quickly turned sour following this interview in the Wall Street Journal, where she said:

My focus is less on the need for women to trumpet their own achievements than to shoot high and achieve a lot. What I want to see is young, ambitious writers. And there are tons of them. Look at “The Tiger’s Wife.” There was that scandal with the Harvard student who was found to have plagiarized. But she had plagiarized very derivative, banal stuff. This is your big first move? These are your models?

As one of Egan's erstwhile fans, Jamie Beckman points out:

When she says “the Harvard student,” she’s referring to Kaavya Viswanathan, a very young novelist whose first young-adult work of fiction, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life, plagiarized veteran chick lit authors Sophie Kinsella, Meg Cabot, and Megan McCafferty. The book was pulled from the shelves by publisher Little Brown and Company, and Viswanathan’s contract for a second book was canceled. It was ugly.

The remarkable part of Egan's exhortation - the thing that has the literary community beyond dismayed - is that Egan seemed more bothered that the young woman chose "banal and derivative stuff" to plagiarize.

This attitude is far from new. There has always been, and perhaps always will be, a contingent of writers who seek to elevate their work from the banal and derivative stuff - however they might decide what that is. Usually it's by dismissing entire genres, completely disregarding that there's good quality and poor quality in everything. Usually the person doing the dismissing has never sullied themselves by reading any of that "stuff."

I suppose this is part of our society, that we seek to validate our own choices by dissing others. Zumba isn't *real* exercise. The way I do Tai Chi is better than yours - I don't care if you enjoy it. My books are far more elevated than yours.

I hope Jennifer Egan enjoys this tremendous honor. She just disappointed an awful lot of readers.

Missing the Moon

I missed the moon this month.

Back in September, I promised to do a post each month on the full moon. I've hit them all until this month. I don't really know what happened. The Planter's Moon rose on schedule Sunday night. At first I was too early to catch it, then I was too late. I tried to photograph it setting in the morning, but the light was wrong. Here's one of the landscape shots I took while trying to capture the faint moon at dawn.

Some months it's just not meant to be.

I can say that it's been ferociously windy lately and so I haven't been lingering outside. It's a good thing we haven't been planting, because the 40- and 50-mile per hour gusts would have ripped the seeds from our hands. Springtime here is windy. I think of it like lake turnover - all that cold air warming up and rising, a turbulent transition. It will settle soon.

In promise of that, this morning is gorgeous warm and still. Everyone is loving it.

Besides, it's not like any of you called me on it. The full moon. All the blogging advice says you have to keep these contracts, to satisfy your readers. "They" also say you have to keep the same schedule. Then there are the massive exceptions like Allie Brosh at Hyperbole and a Half. She has only posted three times so far in 2011. Her third post, which went up last night, already has over six hundred comments. The love is not lagging.

Instead of the exception proving the rule (how I hate that line), the exceptions prove there are no rules, I think.

And that, every once in a while, it's okay to miss the moon.

Unreal Books and Sales Figures

Our spring here is being a lion one minute and a lamb the next. The grape hyacinths bloom in serene splendor even as the wind whips away the patio furniture cushions.

Yesterday I went to this costume shop to get a few things to supplement the RT wardrobe. I went in Saturday and the gal said most of her stuff was at home and she'd bring in possible pieces and meet me with them on Sunday. When I got there yesterday, she had a friend there waiting to meet me. I'd explained I'm a writer, about the RT Booklovers Convention and the costume balls. In the course of introducing me, the shop owner said "And you write real books, too, not those ebooks, right?"

I said I write both. Technically true.

It amuses me, though, that I've now sold more copies of my unreal ebook, Petals and Thorns, than were ever printed of my real book, Wyoming Trucks, True Love and the Weather Channel. I know it will still take time for the concept of ebooks to permeate through the population. The shop owner also asked me to bring in photos of the convention and, since she already had my card, I told her that I'll be posting photos all week, if she wants to look at my blog. She said she'd have to get someone to show her how to do that.

Meanwhile I flipped through my alumni magazines for my sorority and my alma mater last night. I might be a few months behind. Both magazines are glossy, full of rah-rah articles and hopelessly boring. They seemed to focus on things that I simply don't think about much. Such different worlds we can live in now.

I know that people will adjust their ideas about what a "real" book consists of. They already are. Over and over I see people comment online that they received an ereader for a gift, weren't sure about it at first and now love it.

I haven't shared stats on Petals & Thorns in a little while. The numbers keep going up, which continues to astonish me. Each month I open my royalty statement expecting a crash like back in October or January. But no.
As you can see from the percentages, Fictionwise has sold the most copies. It looks like All Romance eBooks and Loose Id are neck and neck, but that's a bit of artifact - most of those Loose Id sales were back before October. In fact, all sales through October were Loose Id's. The All Romance sales were after that. It will be interesting to see what happens from here!

Posting will be sporadic this week, but I'll try to throw up photos, at least, from the convention.

The More We Know

I don't mind the overnight snow, since we need the moisture. Dust storms have been clouding the valley. Even the daffodils don't mind. They whispered that they're built to withstand this kind of thing.

Over at Word Whores - my group blog, if you didn't know - we've been talking this week about drafting styles. Whether you plan it all out ahead of time or discover as you go. Whatever terms you may assign to to those styles, writers seem to fall pretty solidly into one court or another.

On Laura Bickle's post from yesterday, she talks about her plotting method. The comments conversation has become very interesting, as other writers profess horror or admiration for her detailed outlines.

That she does *before* she writes the book. Ahem.

At any rate, in the comments, the issue of revising came up. It's long been the lore that the great drawback of not plotting ahead of time is that you spend a lot more time revising. KAK, who is a german dictator under all that red hair and those pretty smiles, declared that every scene must pass the "purpose" test. If it doesn't serve the overall story, off it goes.

She's ruthless. Believe me, I know.

I can see her point. And definitely the revising process is more cerebral than drafting for me. The drafting is all about the misting along and letting anyone and everything into the story. Revising brings the critical lens to the entire arc of the story. I'm not sure anyone can revise in a subconscious, misty way.

Except.

Okay, I'm a self-confessed sub-conscious, dreamthink, misty writer. I do believe the stories and characters exist in some reality and reveal themselves to me. I rarely feel like I "think" them up. Sometimes I can't logically defend why someone or something is there. The critical lens would have me delete that stuff. The purpose test would demand excision. Goal, motivation, conflict? They scoff at these bits.

This is where my gut comes in. Neither the conscious, nor the subconscious, but the deep part that is most me. If I don't trust that part, then I'm not me, for better or worse. The GMC stuff (see above) arises out of classic storytelling. People like to talk about archetypes of the hero's journey and so forth. The thing is, archetypes, which Jung originally described as subconsciously shared concepts are something, by definition, already exist inside us. We can critically analyze them, but on some levels, they defy conscious definition.

No, I can't always defend the purpose of a scene. Sometimes it's because the scene is junk, or something I needed to write through to get somewhere. But one of the most surprising things I discovered over the ten years I spent writing and publishing essays - the things people keyed in on the most, were those things I had not planned. Scenes or images that just popped up when I was writing. Things that, sometimes, I nearly skipped writing, or thought about deleting later, because they seemed extraneous.

I keep reminding myself of that lesson.

Dreading the Banal Finale

The first blossoms of spring!

So, never mind about devastating earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan, let me tell you about my fingernail. Fair warning, this is frivolous and silly.

From the Department of Banal Details About My Life, here is Exhibit A:

Okay, it's the only exhibit. But see how my social finger has that big white mark? It's harder to see the bruise around it. Hey - it's really hard to take a photograph of your own right hand when you're right-handed. Anyhoo, that white stuff is my fingernail splintering apart due to the damaged nail bed around it.

Back around Christmas I injured that finger. I thought about making up a story here, about how I was snatching an orphan, or perhaps a kitten, from the path of an oncoming train. But I couldn't tweak the plot enough where I ended up with only a pinched finger instead of a severed limb.

So, okay, maybe I was luxuriating on my mom and Dave's fab patio in Tucson and reached back to adjust my lounge chair and caught my finger in the mechanism. I didn't spill my drink, but it *really* hurt.

Look - I told you this wasn't on the scale of 88,000 people missing in Japan.

The blood blister and bruising at the base of the nail healed in a few days, but I've watched this fault in my nail move bit by bit towards the tip of my finger over the last two months. I know when it reaches near where the nail bed ends, my nail will break, probably well below the quick.

I've been keeping nail polish on it, to fortify the strength of the nail. Now, I am not the kind of gal who keeps her nails polished. Special occasions, sure. In college, I used to go around saying "Show me a woman with a perfect manicure and I'll show you a woman with a lot of time on her hands."

Yeah, I didn't have a lot of friends.

I put polish on again last night, after I took this pic - which is why I didn't retake it for better focus. All you'd see is pink. But I can feel the instability on that side of the nail.

It's like this slow-motion mini-disaster. The tension builds over two months, reaching back to the moment of that initial injury, foreshadowing the ultimate breakdown. Now, finally, after following this story for weeks, I'm reaching the end and I'm dreading the finale. The blood, the shredded nail. How I'll have to walk around with my social finger sticking out so that it won't catch on things.

Maybe that part will be kind of fun.

Balls

Signs of spring!

This morning the air even smells of spring.

On a more somber note, I don't know if any of you have followed the news about CBS reporter Lara Logan who was attacked and repeatedly sexual assaulted by a crowd in Egypt during the protests. Jim C. Hines did a terrific blog post yesterday about the news coverage. In a nutshell, CBS treated the story as one about a horrific attack on one of their own and another media outlet sensationalized the reporter's good looks and the lurid details.

Jim makes some really excellent points, so I won't make them again.

What it reminds of though, was when Matthew Shepard was killed in Laramie. You remember - young, gay man, tied to the fence and beaten to death. National media covered it. Much discussion of hate crimes and what it's like to be a homosexual in a town in Wyoming. There were a lot of layers to being in the center of a media frenzy like that and I won't go into them all.

What I'm thinking of now is a conversation I had with my boss at the time. I complained about Matt Shepard's death receiving so much attention when another had not. Recall this is a university town in Wyoming - we didn't get much violent crime. A year before, however, Daphne Sulk, a pregnant fifteen-year-old girl was murdered and her body tossed in the snow along a hiking trail above town. Her much older lover - and guidance counselor - was convicted and imprisoned for the crime. No one outside of our town paid much attention.

After all, it's kind of ho-hum, isn't it.

When I pointed this out to my boss, that not all murders are weighted the same, he replied "Well, she was engaged in dangerous behavior."

As if going to a bar and picking up two guys coming down from a three-day methamphetamine binge is a great idea. What happened to Matt Shepard was horrific, but I maintain that if he'd been a woman, no one would have given it much more thought than a sad shake of the head.

Dangerous behavior.

I hate to see that charge leveled at Lara Logan. A woman can be a reporter, but she'd better watch herself. In some ways, I see this as most insulting to men. Do we really believe that men simply can't help themselves? A pretty woman walks by and, golly gee whiz, they're overcome and have to rape her. If only she hadn't been there!

It's a tired argument, I know, but it's frustrating to see that our fundamental assumptions don't change. It's a man's right to seek sex, but a woman who leaves the safe confines of a protected life is engaged in dangerous behavior and gets what she gets.

What I love most about the story is that Lara was rescued by Egyptian women and about 20 soldiers. I wish I could know about that part of the story, the women who witnessed and stepped in to save a foreigner.

I hope that Lara Logan recovers, heals and finds the balls to continue on.

I'll be following her career with great interest.

Secret Surprise

Yesterday we had visitors.

My colleagues Carolyn Gillette and Jim Jolley were in town doing some work, so they came by to see the house and we went out to dinner afterward. In the process of giving them the tour, I discovered that these iris are blooming in the Secret Garden. (Note that they're not yellow - heavily amended soil there.) Part of what makes the Secret Garden so secret is that you can't see much of it unless you actually go out there, which I just don't do as often as I should.

Part of that is because I have to go through the garage to get to the Secret Garden. Yeah, it's poor design. If I were to engage in any remodeling, that would be my first one - cut a door from the kitchen to the Secret Garden. As it is, you can see the garden from the kitchen window, which is lovely, but only gives you a long-distance, straight-line view.

It comes down to that I have to go out to the Secret Garden on purpose and I just don't all that much. It's the great impact of the computer age, I think, that they're not all that compatible with going outside. Well, that and a cool Spring. When I'm not working my day job, I'm writing, which I also do on the computer.

Or answering emails. Or IMing with people. Or reading blogs and interesting articles. Or critiquing other manuscripts. Reading books is about the only thing I don't do on the computer.

I begin to feel like I live on my laptop.

There are ways to get away from this, I know. I'm sure you're thinking of suggesting that I write longhand. Or go back to corresponding via handwritten letters. I could even spend time with flesh and blood friends, should I find some.

(Actually I'm having coffee next week with a real, live other writer. A new friend found on the studio tour. Amazing!)

But it's all academic - I'm not going to do those things. For now I'm wedded to my laptop for most activities.

Instead I'll add a bit of reading in the Secret Garden to my To Do list.

Irises and Impressionists

At last the iris are blooming. I notice everyone in our neighborhood has the yellow ones like this. I'm wondering if other colors don't do well in this soil. I'd like to try planting some others - perhaps a field of dark blue behind this blanket of yellow, but we'll see.

Many hybridized colors won't flourish in non-ideal soils and the flowers revert to the wild type. Pink hydrangeas in non-alkaline soils revert to blue, for example. Or in non-acidic soils - I forget which. If you want to grow pink hydrangeas, you'll have to look it up.

Yesterday I completed my second round of edits on the Loose Id novella, which is now called, forever and finally, Petals and Thorns. Beauty and the Beast was too close to other titles in their house and the big editors didn't like Love Lies Bleeding, as my direct editor and I picked out. They seemed to think it was kind of icky.

Alas.

So, Petals and Thorns it is, with a thank you to Allison for not only suggesting it, but essentially loaning it to me, since it's the name of the gaming website she's run for lo these many years.

This second round of edits was dead easy. Actually the first round of edits were quite straight forward and didn't require much brain-strain. This round was mainly approving comma-insertions and space-deletions. From time to time though, my editor quibbled over metaphorical word interpretations.

The one she really doesn't like? "She felt his eyes on her." My editor says that means his eyeballs would be on her, which is, naturally, not the feel we're going for. I personally don't believe a normal person would read it that literally, but I conceded and replaced with the suggested (and tepid) "gaze." She also argued with "the rose drew her eye," wanting that to be "gaze," also. I said no, to draw the eye to something is a perfectly established expression.

To me, this is the literary equivalent of representational art versus abstract art.

(We won't get into that this is a BDSM novella and arguably not all that full of ze arte. I'm talking a general principle here - stick with me.)

I'm full of visual art analogies since doing the studio tour the other day.

My mom's David loves representational art. He likes a landscape, preferably with European elements. He likes it to be what it it. My mom likes art that takes reality and turns it. The Impressionists were the first to really break away from the strict European representational art. This is Renoir's famous painting Bathing Woman, 1883. It's famous enough that I couldn't find an image of it without the watermark.

When I saw the original, it struck me that he'd painted her skin green. If you look at the shadows on her skin, they're all these blues and greens. So much so that it's unsettling up close. Standing back, it creates this amazing feel of young, lovely flesh and water. He gave us the impression, not the literal moment.

I think that's what the literalist readers/editors get into. They're focusing so much on the words, that they lose the overall impression. I'm not going to fight over it for my BDSM novella epub, but to have someone's eyes on you gives a different impression than their gaze. It's a level of intimacy to me.

But this is the soil I chose for this particular story and it will have to take on the characteristics of that place. It will become the color it needs to be.

Money is Time

We're in this in-between time here, with this one last tulip barely hanging on, and the iris not yet blooming.

The fierce, cold winds of the last week or two (apparently it was quite stormy while we were gone) shattered the apple blossoms and threw everything back into stasis. The butterfly bush, the lilacs, the iris - they're ready to blossom, but they're waiting, leaves a bit shriveled, looking for an extra boost of warmth.

Any day now.

The other day a guy came to our door offering cleaning services. He was a twenty-something and granola with it. He said he had a number of clients in our neighborhood; I nearly asked him to name names. We were both home and the guy specifically mentioned window cleaning, which we need done, so I asked him to give us a bid to do it. Since washing the windows has been on my to-do list for several months now, I thought it might be worth finding out.

$350. I kid you not.

And here I was thinking $50 or $100. Who knew I would be so far off base?

I tend to think of things now in terms of what my hourly rate at the day job is. Especially if it's something I don't want to do. When I was a grad student, young professional, I had way more time than money. Mainly because I had no money. Anything I could do myself, I did. Then at some point the ratio changed and I had more money than time. If I could pay someone to do it, great. Especially if it would "cost" more to do it myself, in terms of my hourly rate.

Am I the only one who thinks this way?

I make a decent living, but I figure it will only take an hour or two to wash the windows. No, I don't make anywhere close to $175. Washing the windows myself, it is.

We watched the guy walk away, hunched against the cold wind, joined by a woman his age in a flowing gypsy skirt. David wondered how they can charge those kinds of prices. I thought maybe it's worth it to some people to pay that kind of price.

Now that I'm thinking more and more about truly being a full-time writer, my mind is starting to go back the other way. I'm doing things more myself and find myself less willing to shell out the money to hire someone else.

I'm seriously considering hiring out to wash other people's windows, too.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Mother nature reminded us last night that we're not quite out of winter yet.

Already the snow is melting as the sun hits it. But there was much dismay, wailing and gnashing of teeth over the mini-blizzard last evening.

Nobody likes going backwards.

I've discovered that much of my own emotional climate is tied to how my novel is progressing. You're probably saying, um, didn't you discover this before? The answer is yes. Yes, I did.

I'm revisiting that discovery, okay?

When Sterling was rocking along the last couple of weeks, I felt on top of the world. Looking down on creation. And it was good. Now I've hit the mucky middle and it's slow slogging. Intellectually I know I need to just keep going and find my way through it. I reassure myself that I can go back and trim and tighten those scenes I'm afraid are dragging as much as I feel. I know this is a natural part of the process.

Emotionally I just want to stop.

My puppy isn't fun to play with any more. Here, Mommy, you take it.

Yeah, this is the point where the grown-up has to take over and tell you to suck it up. You wanted the puppy in the first place, that means you sign up for the whole deal. That includes the un-fun parts.

Yesterday I gave myself a break. I kind of blew my wad on yesterday's blog post, which came out way too long, but at least amused a lot of people. I only put in 73 words on Sterling - the first time in weeks I haven't hit 1K on it.

David said it's like a physical work-out - some days you just don't have it. He, being the high school athlete, knows much more about that than I do. (Since I pretty much feel I rarely have it for the physical work-out!)

It's funny how my paltry 73 words feels like going backwards. Just like a little Spring blizzard does. It's not at all. It's a natural part of the process. Into every life a little snow must fall.

And then it melts, leaving you just a little farther on your way.

Compare and Contrast

Spring has really brought out the contrasts in the landscape here.

I suppose pretty much every place but designated wilderness areas are now a hopeless mix of the indigenous and the exotic, the civilized and the natural. Still, it amuses me to see the clusters of stately hybrid tulips glowing against the desert background of cholla and pinon.

We saw an ad the other day for Cholla Busters! They promised to come remove our cholla, never to trouble us again. David asked why someone would want to get rid of their cholla and I said, you know those people who mow the desert so the space around their house looks kind of like a lawn? Those people.

This morning on our jog I pointed one out to him - flat and open, not a cholla in sight. It creates an odd image, with the house as the only visual contrast. I'll take my camera with me to snap a photo if you all want to see. The house is on our usual route, so it wouldn't be any trouble.

Getting back to the morning run is paying off. No, I don't like to exercise either. But I love those results! I enter my weight and body fat into a spreadsheet every morning (love my spreadsheets!) and I'm pleased to see the body fat is trending down. I'm now at pre-Christmas levels. I know some people argue you shouldn't weigh every day or worry about the daily values. I chart my weekly averages, too, which does give a better perspective. I'm one of those people, though, that suffer from ignorance. In the years I didn't weigh daily, I managed to gain 20 pounds. It was quite extraordinary, as if I'd gained it overnight.

That's what I get for not paying attention.

So, it's good for me to track the changes over time. The days when I get unhappy news, I'm very tempted not to enter those numbers. As if, if I don't record that high weight, that obese category body fat percentage, it won't really exist.

(If you've never measured your body fat, you'd be appalled at how easy it is to be in the "obese" category. And there's nothing above it. You get Lean, Normal, Overfat and Obese. It can be quite daunting.)

But I make myself enter those high numbers so I can see how far I've come. Compared to those obnoxious highs, the lows start to look pretty exciting.

I suppose Spring brings out the contrasts in me, too.

Taoist Excavations

A dramatic arrival that produced nothing in the way of storm-action. And here I was hoping for a real gully-washer.

I spent some time this weekend digging out the culvert at the end of our driveway. We have dirt roads out in our community. Long driveways feed off the main roads and lead to the houses. Like most of the desert Southwest, we're subject to ferocious rains. Monsoon storms drop relatively huge amounts of water, which all runs down washes that are normally dry.

In this case, water would all run down the dirt road that connects to our driveway, primarily in the borrow ditch next to the road. The only problem with that is our driveway would be in the way of that. Thus, all the driveways here have culverts at the juncture of driveway and road, to allow the water to run under.

This works just fine as long as the culvert isn't filled with dirt.

Actually, I had two problems: a dirt-filled, neglected culvert yes, but also a wayward Direct TV van. I kid you not.

See? And you all argue with me when I say TV is evil.

During one of our last big snowstorms, a Direct TV service van slid off the dirt road and into our borrow ditch. Many people here treat deep snow as an opportunity to drive fast on crappy tires. It's mind-boggling, really. So, this guy comes barreling down the road - yes, I saw him do it - slid all over and into the borrow ditch. Then he tried to get out. Mud fountaining up through the wet snow. We watched, since we figured our mailbox was not on his radar, but really didn't want to have to go out and help. Finally a couple of passers-by who were much nicer than we are pulled him out with a cable and a pick-up truck.

(Incidentally, the Direct TV guy, once liberated, then attempted to pull a U-turn, though there are several ways out if you just follow the road and manage to stay on it. But no, he had to do a U-turn, that turned into something like a nine-point turn and nearly got himself stuck in opposite borrow ditch. If he had, we'd have been forced to go out and hurl his keys into the storm.)

It's too late to make this a short story, but the end result was our ditch got torn all to hell and gone, with enormous (now dry) furrows. I seriously considered calling Direct TV and telling them to come fix it, but I decided it would be infinitely less aggravating just to dig it up myself.

Besides, I need the exercise.

Now, when I was a little girl, I tried to build a pond in the back garden. I built an earthen dam and canals, various channels, waterfalls and progressive lakes. It was a thing of beauty, I tell you. Which all promptly dissolved into sludge when I added water. My first experience with Taoism.

The great thing about Taoism is you learn lessons by observing nature. This time I paid attention to where the water would want to go and dug accordingly. Eventually I want to line the culvert area around our driveway with rocks, to make it look a little more "on-purpose." So I cleared a space for the water to run. It doesn't look great right now, but I have high hopes that a good gully-washer will clear the way.

If I did it right, nature will help me out this time.

It will be a thing of beauty, I tell you.

Having It All

I know, I know.

A conscientious gardener woudl have long since cleaned this up. It's on the To Do list for Sunday. Ask me next week where the picture is of the cleaned-up pretty.

Remember how I mentioned that last weekend I got involved with Sterling and didn't do any of chores?

Well, this was one of them.

It's not always easy, balancing home life with writing life with career life. I remember growing up in the 70s amid the extensive conversations about "Superwoman" - the liberated woman's answer to having it all and whether it really could be done. Women were trying to be mothers, housewives and career women, all while never letting him forget he's a man. Of course, much of the pain came from the stretching of traditional roles - the obvious answer to women was for the men to do more with the kids and the house. Which many of them started to do. Some don't, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

When a person is a writer, until you're paid enough to write full-time, you essentially have a second unpaid career. Or a second career that pays beans. It's like moonlighting at some crummy job with lousy hours, but not for the extra money. Okay, not a crummy job, a fabulous job. But the hours still suck, you're forever interviewing and you don't even get minimum wage.

A writer friend of mine was "outed" at her day job yesterday. It took her by surprise.

She writes romance novels, sexy ones. Turns out someone at her old job mentioned it to someone at her new job (manly gossip?) and the older male manager at the new job did a little bit of internet searching and found her ebooks...

He told her he thought it was just fine.

Yeah, it's weird and uncomfortable. She feels exposed in a way she didn't expect. And no, she doesn't use a pen name, so she wasn't trying to hide her superhero novelist identity. Somehow she thought the two worlds would never mix. Now they are.

I should also mention that she's a single mom (though she's now engaged a terrific new guy). She's been handling all of it very well for a very long time. She's still working at breaking into the mainstream publishers, where she could maybe make enough money that she'd have only one career to balance with all of the other jobs.

It doesn't help that romance is a snicker-generating genre. If she'd been outed as a mystery writer, she'd have more cache. I can see why she's bothered - it's like she's now a dirty girl.

Hopefully, that was the last of it. The manager told her he knew (bum dum dum!) and that he's fine with it. Maybe she can get away with just doing the job she's really good at and won't get any grief for the work she loves to do on the side.

Maybe I'll get my house and garden cleaned up this weekend.

No Foolin'

Here's a Happy Spring image for you from this morning.

Never mind that I really need to clean out the iris bed behind them -- aren't the hyacinths pretty? (This is one of those glass half-empty/half-full tests.)

I've never been much of one for April Fool's Day. And, though I'm a certifiable smart-ass and very fond of laughing, I'm not much of a prankster. Pranks that rely on duping someone else are rarely funny to me. Maybe that's my Sensitive Soul aspect - I usually feel too bad for the person made to be a fool to dredge up much humor.

I remember one Christmas, a man my mom was seeing convinced her to play a joke on her sister and brother-in-law. The brother-in-law had a rep for being a prankster, so my mom's guy was intent on winning that little contest. They went and bought a lottery ticket using the winning numbers from the day before. Then my mom pretended to check her ticket against the newspaper. When they all matched, my aunt started going crazy with excitement. Her eyes lit up with all the possibilities that lay before them. A huge jackpot!

My mom blew it by starting to cry. I have a sick feeling about it still. Seeing that hope and joy and all along it was just a dirty trick...

Maybe I feel like we all spend enough time being foolish. In our day to day lives, we suffer disappointments great and small. We pin our hopes on perhaps getting that something on sale, to landing that lucrative multi-book contract or winning the lottery (same thing). We hope for love, for comfort, for joy. We pray that disappointment won't smack us in the back of the head.

It happens enough without us doing it to each other in the name of fun.

But then, perhaps the intent is to lighten all that. Perhaps, in a way, we're making fun of how the world punishes us. It's a way of practicing disappointment, without it being real.

However you spend the day, I wish you honest laughter, a bundle of Spring flowers and a minimal amount of foolishness

Flower Arranging Fail

This is kind of a "fat guy in a little coat" joke of a bouquet.






(See the clip from Tommy Boy, if you don't know what I mean.)

But I love how daffodils look in this blue vase. How was I to know the blooms at the new house would be way too short for my favorite daffy vase? I suppose I could have predicted it, since the length of the flower stem from a bulb plant is directly proportional to the amount of time it's been frozen. Thus in Laramie we had "leggy" tulips; in Santa Fe, the daffys are short.

These are, however, the first daffodils of the season and thus to be celebrated.

And, yes, I'll go dig out another vase for them. The color contrast won't be as good, but they won't look quite so swallowed up. One has to trade off, now and again, to get the best possible result.

Writers often debate balancing dialogue with narrative, the advantages and disadvantages of first person vs. third. Everyone wants to find the magic formula. Over time, one discovers that there's no such thing. There are no rules, only general guidelines. And even those guidelines can lead you astray.

Unpublished writers tend to be much harsher critics as contest judges than published ones are. They're much more likely to cite a raft of "thou shalt nots" and rank a manuscript low if commit the sin of transgression. Published writers more often focus on the story itself, and whether it works. They're more likely to understand that you're really going for the yellow and blue contrast. They might point out the vase is too large, but if the whole thing is pretty, who cares?

Sometimes, it makes the joke.

Ides and Flowers

The Ides of March at least produced the first blossom of Spring.

I know. I know. It's one flower component of an an entire hyacinth. But, hey, the journey of 10,000 leagues begins with that single step, right?

Besides, I'm tickled to have actual flowers by mid-March.

It's long been the tradition of my Irish-Catholic family to plant sweet-peas on St. Patrick's Day. We soak them in buttermilk the night before. Living in Laramie for over twenty years disabused me of that notion. I used to try for Easter instead. Then I just gave up on a date and waited for the ground to thaw.

But it's supposed to hit the 60s tomorrow. I think I'll buy some seeds and buttermilk this evening, along with the eggs and Earl Grey on the list. Work is quiet, so I'll take a little time to plant my seeds. I don't know how well sweet peas will do here, but it's worth the experiment to find out.

I'm a believer in planting seeds. In the incremental approach. I'm not the first gardener to note that planting seeds is an act of supreme faith, in the universe, in the rhythm of nature. I'm not the first writer to go about putting down words little by little. Sometimes you have no idea what exactly is coming next in the story, but you take the seeds that fall into your hand and lay them into the fertile soil with love and precision.

By the end, you hope you'll have something beautiful.

Spring Snow

We left the palm trees and hot sunshine of Tucson and came home to a wet Spring snowstorm.

We didn't hit snow until north of Albuquerque, but then it hit us with a vengeance, making us crawl home. Someone in Santa Fe tweeted that it had been tea on the patio sunny, then a rainstorm, then all the snow. The forecasters had said snow after midnight, but this hit well before sunset.

Springtime in the Rockies!

The Spring storms are hard on the wildlife, too. A little bird, who had clearly gotten far too wet, pressed up on our threshold, savoring the warmth from our glass door. David captured it and we put it in a box last night to warm up. Now that the sun is warming and the snow shriveling before it, I set it loose to join its brethren at the seed-fest out front.

It looks rumpled enough that I can tell it from the others, but it should be okay.

Yesterday, before we hit the road, we stopped at Starbucks for breakfast. In Tucson there are these roving packs of bikers. The bicycle kind, not the motorcycle kind. They wear matching outfits, with the tight shorts, windbreakers and helmets. They zoom about the city in fleet groups and stop at Starbucks to sit in the sun and treat themselves.

There were several ladies of this ilk waiting for their lattes as we were, of that indistinguishable badly preserved 50s/well preserved 60s age. A very young girl also waited. She was maybe 18. I would have guessed younger, but she wore a short black satin skirt, a black satin top with big rhinestones and very high heels. Heading to a job at a nearby casino perhaps. Not your usual Sunday-morning garb. She looked gorgeous, with the long slim legs only teenage girls seem to have. Her pretty face smiled sweet and open.

The women glared at her and I saw her physically flinch and look away, some of her happiness dimmed. I wondered if she even understood what their problem was. She didn't seem to notice the weathered columns of their thighs, pressed into wrinkles by the tight Lycra. I wanted to tell the ladies to stuff their nasty looks, to give the girl a break.

Let her enjoy her Spring, I wanted to say. There's plenty of Winter to go around. We should celebrate the sunshine wherever we find it.

Another Day

As I suspected it would, the sun rose again today.

When it set last night, I had a "no" from the agent. I knew it when I saw the email pop up. A lovely "no." The very best kind of "no," all of my writing buddies hasten to reassure me.

She says:

Thanks so much for sending the full manuscript of OBSIDIAN and for giving me time to read it!

I love the world you've created here and I definitely recognize your talent. Unfortunately, I am going to pass on the offer of representation. For me, I just didn't fall in love with the characters enough, or their adventures in your wonderful world. I'm sorry - I wish I had better news for you. I know you have lots of excitement going on right now with your work and I know you'll be in good hands!

Wishing you the very best in your publishing career!

So, here I am, once again with the walk of shame. I gave her everything I had and it wasn't enough. I know no one knows what makes someone fall in love. And yet, we've all been in those relationships where the guy says "it's not you, it's me" -- and you know, of course it's you. There's some reason they can't see spending their life with you, popping out little baby novels.

But it means nothing in the end. It doesn't really matter if it's your annoying mother or the fact that you have a cowlick that can't be controlled or a tendency to ramble on about how much it annoys you when people speed up when they see you trying to change lanes. They don't want to buy the cow and that's all you need to know. Tasty milk, but no thank you.

So, I got back on the horse. Nudged a couple of agents with fulls and partials. Got on Match.com (Publishers Marketplace) and picked out a couple of sexy-looking possibilities. Gave 'em a wink.

The birds and Isabel say it's Springtime. Mysterious plants are coming up -- mysterious because we only moved here in August and someone else planted these spring bulbs. I'm putting my bets on Daffodils and Hyacinths, by their nubby tops.

And meanwhile a project I've been seeding for a while at work may be coming to fruition at a time we really need it. My boss is happy and loves me forever.

Also, Allison, who has the lucrative multi-book contract I covet, just received a 26-page revision letter. Single-spaced. It's like she's got the wedding all set, and just found out she's got to have radical cosmetic surgery first. She's getting over it now, though we were both shocked to read the comments at first. In the end, she'll have a much stronger book. But, oh, the pain and suffering.

I'm working on the next novel, which is winding into a dark forest of odd characters and a mixed-race little girl witch. Who knows how I'll sell this one.

The lovely thing for me is, I don't have to worry about that.

The Great Backyard Bird and Coyote Watch

All the animals are out and about now.

Spring may not begin until March -- which I quibbled about previously, so I won't reiterate my arguments, much as I enjoy reiterating my favorite peeves -- but the wildlife around Santa Fe is gearing up for warm weather.

Tuesday evening, as dusk fell, a couple of bunnies came out to hit up the game bird block out front. And a jumping mouse hopped by. Then, yesterday morning, I awoke to fog outside the window -- and a coyote walking by. Last night, a bobcat came up on the porch to nose around. And sniff around the game bird block.

Predators following prey in the eternal cycle.

The flickers have been diligently hammering on the house. If you've never heard a woodpecker at work on your house, well it sounds like the roofing crew showed up again. Maybe just the finish crew. But you could swear someone's out there pounding nails. If you look behind the suet feeder in this photo, you can see the fresh hole in the portal post that this selfsame bird drilled into it.

I assume that's her, anyway. She refused to give her name.

Being a woman, I decided food was the answer. The gal at the local Wild Birds Unlimited was dubious.

"Are you sure they're not looking to carve out a nest?"

"It's about the size of a quarter," I say. "If so, they've got a ways to go."

I'd walked in and asked for the Woodpecker's Friend. Which makes sense to me, but I apparently live in my own delusional world. I'm at peace with that. At any rate, the thing I thought I saw at Christmastime wasn't what I thought it was and it wasn't called that anyway. The upshot? I have to be my own woodpecker's friend. So I got the basic suet frame and the recommended suet and made David install it all over the hole, so the flickers would eat the suet and not the portal.

Right, he thought I was nuts, too.

And for a while, all we got on there were the bushtits. Which turned out to be really neat because they hadn't visited us other wise.

Then, a couple of days ago: the flickers found the suet. They've been happily cracking away on it -- and no other part of the house -- ever since. I know. I am totally vindicated. I *am* the Woodpecker's Friend. One day all you people learn not to scoff.


The Great Backyard Bird Count starts on Saturday. No qualifications required to participate. This year, if you tweet, you can use the hashtag #gbbc to report bird sightings. Hey, it does NOT get more fun than that people!

Nobody seems to sponsor the Great Backyard Coyote Count. But we caught one on the night-vision camera last night. It's actually an amusing sequence as he and the bunnies visit throughout the night. Tonight we'll see if we can't snap one of the bobcat and maybe I'll post the whole sequence tomorrow.

Oh, in this photo? I'm pretty sure he's looking at Isabel in the window.

She's hiding in the laundry basket today.

Wisteria Hysteria

This morning, I finished putting out the plants.

Another annual ritual completed. A labor-intensive one. We have this sunroom, one of the things I love most about this house, where I overwinter all sorts of potted plants. Once I feel more or less confident that the spring snows are over, I begin shifting the plants out to the patio, gradually hardening them off.

For those who aren't experienced with this, indoor plants transpire more moisture through their leaves, because it's a moister, more contained environment. When you move a plant outdoors, especially in our arid climate with the intense mountain sun, you have to do it gradually, to allow the plant to acclimatize. The leaves get waxier in some cases, and the transpiration pores shrink. Depending on the plant, they also develop a bit of "sunscreen." Putting an indoor plant outdoors and leaving it there is akin to sticking a Wyoming person on the beach in Florida for the day. Not pretty.

So the first day, you put the plant out for an hour or so and bring it back in. Becauase I have way too many plants, on this schedule, by the time I got them all out, it was just about time to bring them back in again. The second day they can stay out for three to four hours. The third day, yesterday, they stayed out all day and came in at night.

Finally this morning I set them out in the permanent summer spots. No more dragging back and forth. There they'll stay, unless we get a freak snow storm, which hopefully I'll know about before it hits.

It doesn't escape me that this is another last, the last time I'll perform this ritual in this house. With our move in mid- to late August, the plants will all be still in their places. On my list: find out if I can bring plants into Canada. It sounds silly -- maybe not worrying about whether a carpet is happy silly -- but some of these plants I've had for twenty years. The bougainvillea that David and I bought in the first apartment we shared, back in 1991. There's my hibiscus, inherited from Val when she moved to Seattle, grown from her grandmother's plant in Casper more than twenty years ago. I really want to take the orchid David gave me for Valentine's in '95 -- I'd love to give it a climate where it might do more than subsist.

Perhaps I'll have a big plant sale. Maybe I'll just give them all away to good homes and start new.

I won't have this ritual in Victoria, I think. Freezes there are less rare. I don't know if people leave plants out all year and only bring them in when there's threat of frost. Something I'll learn.

I do know this: the first thing I'm going to do is plant wisteria. Always wanted wisteria.